When it comes to issues with the body, there’s those good days and those bad days; you know? Body confidence and weight is something I’ve never really talked about on here, and that’s mainly because I always shy away from discussing my body and whether I’m happy with it- one day I’m like *BAM* holy shit I look good, and other days I feel bloated and ballooning.

I was one of those kids who at 10 or 11ish, was the tallest and skinniest in class. That darn puberty then hit, and I stayed pretty much a similar height, save for my hips, and those thighs popping out to say hello. So I find myself, at the age of 26, as tall as I was when I was 13, but a lot more huggable; if you catch my drift.

maria weight 1Blazer: H&M (similar)
Bandeau: H&M (similar)
Shirt: H&M (similar)

It’s a constant battle basically, between my love for crisps (and a good burger- don’t forget the chips) and looking slimmer.  My love affair for food hasn’t only increased during my 20s, but I’ve also been using it as an emotional tool- I eat when I’m happy, I eat even more when I’m sad and recently it got so out of hand. All of my weight goes on two particular areas, my butt and my thighs, which leaves my top half looking slim- a really strange look…Y  U DO THIS TO ME BODY?!

Diets are so hard (as you guys will know I’m sure) a lot of them are ineffective, or cause you to put on way more than you lost in the first place. It’s not only about how you look physically, but how you feel inside- I went on the Atkins diet last year for four months; and I’ve got to admit, it worked so well. Yet even though family were telling me they saw a difference, I didn’t feel I was getting the results as fast as I wanted them and friends who were into fitness didn’t seem to notice my change at all- diets are a weird, psychological thing, they can really leave you feeling sensitive.

maria weight 2Jeans: River Island
Fish nets: New Look
Mules: New Look

I think even though you have those shitty days, you’ve got to look at yourself and think, “As long as I love me, who cares?” It’s hard though. Self-confidence is built, and only by you. Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, no matter what they look like, and no-one has to right to tell you otherwise.

I’ve decided to grab life by the nongas, and say to myself, why do I want to eat that much? There must be something else going on there. After being the heaviest I’ve ever been in February, I’ve decided to return to the Atkins, as I did some research and their new and improved recipes are a lot more realistic for me- protein focused, with lots of cheese- YAS! I just can’t afford to maintain this weight if nothing actually fits me! I’ve also joined the local sports centre so I can gym and swim at my leisure- all the burgers without the guilt, cos I’m going to *try* and burn them off… Also is it me, or is the fitness world a bit noninclusive? I feel like when you’re new, the regular fitness types kinda look down on you for trying; as if you’re getting in their way. It’s like, you have to be obsessed with it, or not go at all. It confuses me!

In the words of Mumma Ru, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

Can I get an Amen up in here?


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maria weight 3